Sunday, March 08, 2009

The Wegmans Twins

We are expecting in less than 4 weeks, and I gotta admit, identical twins freak me out a bit. While I went to high school with several pairs of perfectly normal, nice identicals, living in Binghamton has somehow spooked me on them, and I think I know why . . .

There is a pair of ethereal identical twins who seem to inhabit Wegmans like the mythological unicorn. We had a sighting this evening, and I was able to give chase and capture these beasts for blog purposes, as I had been hoping for months!

First, a bit of background about our beloved Wegmans: Wegmans is the mother of all grocery stores in the area. Not only is it huge and clean and open 24 hours, it has everything one's stomach could possibly want (except pomegranates, out of season, but that's another story). It is so vastly superior to the other stores in the area that pretty much anyone who has a car (and therefore does not rely on public transportation or walking) goes there. As a result, about 99% of people I encounter on a regular basis shops there. Wegmans is a shared experience around here, much like driving in snow.

A couple of years ago, John said that some of his classmates had been talking and had referenced "the Wegmans Twins." Huh? What was he talking about. "You know, those identical twins who are always at Wegmans." I laughed. Surely there couldn't be two nameless young women who had gained widespread recognition simply from going to the grocery store! Oh yes, my friends, they had. Here's why . . .

The Wegmans Twins probably go there every day, and they are never apart. They walk in, briskly, never getting a cart or even a basket. They pick up some small amount of food (see photo), from which department I know not. There is no conversation between them. There doesn't need to be.

The best part? They are dressed exactly the same, 100% of the time. Keep in mind, these women are probably 30 years old, possibly older. Not only do they always dress exactly alike, they are always wearing some form of modified break-dancing outfit (again, see photo, especially black tracksuit pants). It always looks like they got dressed circa 1989, permed hair, scrunchy and all.

So I'm on a bit of a mission to find out what their deal is. Turns out, they grew up locally and work - yes, of course they work in the same place- at Pets Mart, doing dog grooming. That's about all I know, though. I've got my buddies in the Wegmans fish department working on getting some inside intel, gleaned from the employee lounge, but so far . . . nothing. Stay tuned.

6 comments:

Carrie said...

I will send you Sam - take him in to be groomed and SPY! :)

Licensed to Hamill said...

I'd give anything to have a mentally connected twin to help with my grocery shopping. Not to mention, a helping hand when I'm buying the 840-pack of toilet paper in the bulk section...

Dr.Chinpan said...

Yes!!! I've noticed them too!

I have my own theory though.... I'm a college graduate and have traveled numerous times to China and Japan, learning the history and culture. The most intriguing aspect that I found on my travels was the myths and legends that both China and Japan shared. Oddly enough, many local stories rotated around identical twins.

Identical twins in China and Japan are both sought after and slightly feared by the 'common folk' because of their mystical powers and their odd behavior. Many people revered twins and had them bless their family and land every year. Those lucky enough to be blessed by identical twins lived a lush and prosperous life.

On the other hand... if they were disrespected and/or insulted in ANY way, they were a force to be reckoned with! They were known to bring about the Tsunamis and the drought, the wars and the famine! Long ago, a pair of identical twins were asked to bless a lowly mans crop, but his disrespecting wife insulted their looks and the next day there was a fire that killed the farmer and his whole family.

Do you know the freakiest part of all of this is? I've seen the 'Legman Twins' and they look IDENTICAL to images of Japan and Chinese myth!!! I've captured an image on my phone of them and sent them to my research partner, Prof. Niger and he's researching now. He's just as amazed as I am!

During one of my observations of the Twins I noticed a man (around 43) bumped his cart into one of the twins as he was leaving the store. The twin inquired as to why he hit her... he called her a freak and kept walking away. She glared at him and I swear to you... he slipped, falling roughly to the ground and his cart crashed into his car, breaking his driver-side mirror. He himself almost got hit because of it. And you want to know what that twin said? "Maybe next time you won't insult me."


I'll tell you one thing... once my partners finished his research and they turn out legit... I'm going to ask them to bless me ASAP! And I advise you to do the same!

Anonymous said...

first off: these women are the sweetest girls i know they are NOT beasts and also the "break dancing pants" you refer to are required to do dog grooming DUH and i think you should find another thing to do then criticize and take pictures of them!!!!!!!!!

wheeedle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
wheeedle said...

i love that break dancing pants are required dog-grooming attire! next time i take Benji in for a wash I'm going to bring my beat box!