Monday, February 16, 2009

Why I'm glad we aren't using the Catholic hospital

Among the reasons we are glad we aren't using the local Catholic hospital is that, well, it just freaks me out. We are going there for our childbirth education classes, so we end up getting lost in the halls each week (why are all hospitals so impossible to navigate?)

The best part is that we know we are in the correct (clinical, white, seemingly endless) hallway when we see . . . Jesus at the end.

Yup, that is Jesus at the end of that photo, arms outstretched, beckoning us to walk toward him, for the entire length of that freaking windowless, door-less, artless, soulless hallway. I feel like I'm arriving at the Pearly Gates or something. It's just creepy.

New York State Halls of Fame

In exploring New York- all the bits and pieces and crevices, as I do- it seems I've run across a disproportionate number of Halls of Fame. Not just the famous Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, but the Soccer and Boxing and Dance Halls of Fame? I'd thought maybe it was "just me" until someone sent me a list of all such institutions in New York (thanks, Lisa!) Here you go:

BUFFALO MUSIC HALL OF FAME & MUSEUM



FIDDLERS HALL OF FAME & MUSEUM

GREATER BUFFALO SPORTS HALL OF FAME

HALL OF FAME FOR GREAT AMERICANS

HARNESS RACING MUSEUM & HALL OF FAME

INTERNATIONAL BOXING HALL OF FAME

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S SPORTS HALL OF FAME

LONG ISLAND MUSIC HALL OF FAME

NATIONAL ABOLITION HALL OF FAME AND MUSEUM

NATIONAL BASEBALL HALL OF FAME & MUSEUM

NATIONAL DISTANCE RUNNING HALL OF FAME

NATIONAL JEWISH SPORTS HALL OF FAME & MUSEUM

NATIONAL MUSEUM OF DANCE & HALL OF FAME

NATIONAL MUSEUM OF RACING & HALL OF FAME

NATIONAL PURPLE HEART HALL OF HONOR

NATIONAL SOCCER HALL OF FAME & MUSEUM

NATIONAL TRACK & FIELD HALL OF FAME

NATIONAL TOY HALL OF FAME

NATIONAL WOMEN'S HALL OF FAME

NEW YORK STATE COUNTRY MUSIC HALL OF FAME

NEW YORK STATE STOCK CAR ASSOCIATION HALL OF FAME

PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING HALL OF FAME

ROCK & ROLL HALL OF FAME ANNEX

SARATOGA HARNESS HALL OF FAME

WESTERN NEW YORK WOMEN'S HALL OF FAME

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Child Birth 101

Instead of preaching abstinence, high schools should just make students attend the "Childbirth Education Series" we started attending this week at the local hospital. We've only attended 1 of the 4 sessions so far, but they are priceless. Let's begin . . .

The group: I was the oldest pregnant lady in the room (shocker, I know). There were 8 couples and almost all of them were married, which was a shocker. But I supposed this is a self-selecting group because it costs money and takes time.

We had to bring 2 pillows with us. I did not think this was going to be the source of entertainment, except that this is Binghamton, so of course one of the couples (a colorful couple at that: Him = in his 40s, weighed about 110 pounds, horrible teeth, absolutely covered in tattoos, works as a radiology technician at the hospital; Her = in her early 20s, very simple/sweet young thing, but had a look about her that was straight out of Deliverance) had . . . interesting cases. You guessed it! They were my favorite: hunting themed!

The class was actually very informative. The first hour was like 5th grade sex ed (with tons of anatomy and processes explained) except that this time we had to pay attention because all that completely gross stuff (mucous plug, anyone?) was actually happening to us.

The best part, by far, however, was the props. Below is a photo of what is supposed to represent a darling baby, resting comfortably inside an amniotic sac. Instead, however, it is the stuff of nightmares. Not only is the baby just creepy looking (please, no one give us any dolls, they are always creepy looking!), but it also had stigmata on its hands and feet. OK, not real stigmata, but there were metal snaps in those places and it did look odd. The best was the snap on the belly button, though, making the baby look like it was going to come out of the womb looking like Britney Spears.

And that plush, padded, maroon "seat" the baby is resting on? That would be . . . the placenta. It was even sewn such that it had ridges and stuff and looked a little like a brain. GROSS.



Not as graphic but equally hilarious was this gem of a prop. Think you are looking at a rasta cap? No, my friends, that would be a custom, hand-knit . . . uterus. Only, to me, it looked more like a uterus cozy. Seriously, why are we using a knitted (striped, no less!) representation? And who made this thing? And how did they go about choosing the colors? Questions abound.



The best part, though, was the zipper. At the break, I asked the instructor what the zipper was for. "That's to represent a Cesarean section, of course!" Silly me.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Fish-outta-water's Greatest Hits (2008)

It's time. In fact, I'm overdue with Fish-outta-water's Greatest Hits of 2008. Here you go:

10. The Lumberjack Festival
9. Pa's Woodshed = Papa Woody's?
8. Hobology 101
7. Mr. Chair
6. The Superfly Hassidim of South Williamsburg, Brooklyn
5. The 5 Phases of Facebook: A Love Story, and its companion piece, Do Facebook "status updates" count as "reading"?
4. Mr. Power Mullet
3. The Guy
2. What Would Jesus Hunt? and . . .
1. Andouillette AAAA: "not a party pleaser"!!

Towns in Upstate New York seem to have only 10 street names

I am extra-boring, and not feeling so bloggy, lately. I'm chalking this up to the fact that it is REALLY cold out and we are pretty much in hibernation-mode. No crazy festivals to attend and write about.

That said, we just came back from a little drive to a nearby town today, and every time we venture out of our own little Binghamton-bubble, I'm struck by the fact that each city (actually, we are usually technically talking about a "village") seems to have the same 10 street names prominently represented in their "downtown"/historic areas. They would be:

1. Court Street (guess where this one is located?)
2. State Street (usually near the city hall/courthouse area, too)
3. Front Street (always runs along the river, and every village here seems to have a river - or a canal- somewhere running through it)
4. Water Street (also near the river, usually near the site of an old Erie Canal-era canal, but there are inexplicably not many "Canal Street"s)
5. Clinton Street - DeWitt Clinton was a Senator and Governor of New York and is credited with building the Erie Canal in the early 19th century- a public work project that to this day is unrivaled in its significance to the growth of the country (Oh my god I sound like a 5th grader from NY, reading my book report, with that sentence!)
6. DeWitt Street - Gov. Clinton's first name was DeWitt, which is apparently where this street name comes from. It is an unusual name, so I do (because I'm obsessed with names) note that DeWitt is his mother's maiden name, a popular naming convention right now!
7. Liberty - guess they are just patriotic around here?
8. Broome - apparently after John Broome, a NY merchant and statesman. Boring, but we live in Broome County and there is a Broome Street in Manhattan, too, so he must have been important at some point, right?
9. ??? Huh, not sure of what the last 2 would be. If anyone has any ideas, please post them in a "comment" below- I know I'm forgetting some important common ones!
10. ???

Southern Tier Signage: the gift that keeps on giving


I try not to blog about it every time I see a really awful sign, but this one was just too good. The business is called "Just in Time Auto" because the owner's name is Justin. I know this because he is in his own commercials, which seem to play non-stop on TV.

So you'd think he'd be a little savvier about his signage, right? So what is that orphaned comma doing, hanging out there after "time," but all by its lonesome, on the last line? And where did the capitalization go? Come on, Justin, get with the game!