Friday, January 23, 2009

More on Names: Greatest Hits from Broome County Hospitals

Sorry, folks, I'm stuck here. Cannot stop thinking about names, so thought I'd share some fun with you. I discovered that all the local hospitals (OK, so there are only 2 of them) actually publish, and even archive, birth announcements. I have looked through zillions and zillions of them from years past, all the while developing a mental "DO NOT NAME" list.

These birth announcements, of course, become a treasure trove of actual name data. Not stuff you heard a rumor about- these are REAL names. I have done the favor of culling through them and finding the greatest hits. I have excluded ethnic names, since every culture has its own names that are appropriate for it. Below are names that are just . . . sweet. For various reasons. Have fun:

Aidan and friends
I knew that what had started as a nice Irish boy's name- Aidan- had spawned an unbelievable amount of offspring. I just wasn't quite prepared for A) people's, uhm, creativity(?) with the name or B) the huge percentage of names - both for boys and girls- represented by these. Let's visit with Aidan and some of his friends, shall we?

A: Aaiden Amari Andrew (guaranteed to be "first in his class" . . . at least, alphabetically that is!), Aadyn, Ayden, Aden, Adin, Adon, Aiden
B: Braden, Braedon, Braeden, Brayden, Breydon, Breyden
C: Caeden, Caiden, Cayden
D: Drayden
G: Grayden
H: Hayden, Haidyn, Haydn
J: Jaden, Jaedyn, Jaiden, Jaidan, Jaedan, Jayden, Jaydin, Jaidyn, Ja'Dyn, Jaydrien
K: Kadin (Mace), Kadan (Uriah), Kadin, Kaiden, Kaden
P: Payton, Peyton, Payden
R: Raydin

Where dad got involved in the naming process
Jack Nicholas
Nolan Ryan
Jonathan Zeus
Caleb Espn (yes! the Southern Tier has its very own ESPN child!)
Blaze (and there are three little fires running around this county!)

When you can't decide, hyphenate! Does each parent have a faaaabulous name and they can't compromise? Why use adult negotiating skills to narrow the field and arrive at a normal name, when the hyphen is your friend!!
Belinda-Verginya Rose
Etana Marisa-Ann
Malayah Dawn-Kathleen
Zaniyah Amoy-Mary
Jeramyah Nasir-Marceillo
Kaylee-Lynn Princess-Marie
Destini Jaylee-Cheri
Zezra-Anne Sue
Allayah Mahkenzi-Beyonce
Jayden Jazspher-Jousalynn
Lyrik Violet-Leilani

Names I had (past tense) thought were reasonably cool until reading this list
Cadence (which, it was clear, had crossed over into "unacceptable" when I noticed all the variant spellings: Kadence, Kaydence, Kadience, Kaidence, Caedynce, Caydence)

Names that paint a portrait
Savannah Skye, Jade Sky, Autumn Sky, (and the bummer) Shadow Skies
Serenity Midnight
Sincerity Storm (sounds like the flurry of words that results when a guy is trying to apologize to his girlfriend for cheating on her or something)
Dakota Stream
Autumn Rayne
Ariel Sage (something you tie to your car antenna for good luck?)
Violet Olive (guhROSS! Sounds like something you find in the back of the fridge in a frat house bar)

David & Gereudale (huh?)
Tanner and Cooper (not bad names, just really great tradesman names: a leather worker and a barrel maker!)
Mason & Sawyer (same as above, but this time it's a bricklayer and a saw-man)

Haveen Helwa (Heaven & Hell?)
Shamus Angelo (they are going for the phonetic of "Seamus" but it looks like "Shame Us," which is perhaps offset by the "Angel" reference in the second part?)
Lady Lian (Lady Lying? Lady Lion? it's all bad)

"I'd like to buy a vowel, please?"
Hunter Mckhi
Zoe Snn

Curve Balls
Neveah (yes, it's "heaven" spelled backward and it has become so popular in very recent years that it was the fourth most common name for girls in New Mexico in 2007. Don't ask . . . )
Precious (really? and no middle name)
Zavier Zidane
Michelangelo (No middle name, which seems acceptable since they maximized the first name. At least they spelled it correctly.)
Jah-Ken Stefon
Phallon Maire (the first name sounds like "phallus" to me, and the second . . . a horse?)
Jaeliegh Hope (As in, "I hope she stays out of jail"?)
Miley Euphrades (with such a fluffy first name - as in Miley Cyrus- who would have expected the oppressively heavy middle name? the only expected part is that . . . it's spelled wrong.)
Nastmixxa (that is a great hip-hop/DJ name!)
Da'Shine La'Fresh

Champagne wishes and caviar dreams . . .
Kysheem Gucci (the only "Gucci" within 150 miles of here is the knockoff purses that people bring home from NYC)
Chanel Diamond

Sorry, what was that name again?
Zicciah Clinton
Ke'aylah Lizandre Rosa
Jy-lijah Tito (mom is named Cassiopeia, so this one seems to be keeping with tradition, in a way)
Hosamulhaq (try googling that one!)

When in doubt, just misspell it. That's sure to make it "unique"!

All Stars
Amiah Precious (I don't know, are you?)
Amiah Angel (same question)
Michelangelo (luckily there is a LOT packed into the first name, since there's no middle name. But needs one, really, with a first name like that?)
Danny Supreme (sounds like a tasty deli sandwich!)
Heavenly Dreama-Mary
Jaquoia Hopes Blessing
Darker Selwyn
ZyMail (fascinating to think about what kind of "mail" that would be)

Best name EVER
Unique Leygh (really? Just like mom???)

The biggest surprise? I found myself shocked- SHOCKED!- when I ran across a baby named . . . John. John, the top ten of boys names for a century, now made a single appearance as John William. Ahhhh, after all of that, how refreshing.

1 comment:

Subarch said...

Oh, Mrs. A - you need to take a DEEP breath and loose the "research". To badly quote - "A rose by any other name..." It's your child and you'll love 'em, but try to reduce their pain in school/life by not saddling them with a "unique" moniker - Robert, Erv (if you want to be different yet still get points), and maybe John is the best ;). Patrick too is a possibility.

By the way, I enjoyed your blog on eating in LA. I was hoping you'd be around long enough to enjoy the company of some homeless crustaceans, but given events prevented that. Next time though, if you’re interested, I promise.

Be well, and don't burn all you energy on the naming thing...