What tie would Jesus wear?

When we were in NYC yesterday, we noticed a shop with some fabulous(ly awful) ties in the window. Sold in bulk, no less. Who doesn't need a dozen Jesus ties for $30? Intrigued, we went in for a closer look.

I wanted to buy a few (3 for $10!) for Christmas- you know, that time of year when we buy lots of crap that no one really wants?- but failed in that effort, due to my inability to determine which ones were truly the most awful. Instead, I thought I'd memorialize them in photos and thus be able to share with all the world. Here you go!

There were lots more, these are just the few that proved most (or is it "least"?) photogenic. Hmmmmm, which is the worst?



The first photo shows our Virgin Mother Mary, but with a typo- it appears to say "Immaculee Conception"- maybe this is French, but I'm thinking it's actually Chinese for "it's a really bad idea to mass produce cheap, religious-themed ties in China because you are guaranteed to screw it up." Next to that is one of Jesus on the mount, preaching to his followers. Since that one shows Jesus in action, leading his flock, that seems to be the Christian equivalent of a "power tie." If Jesus were a really bad motivational speaker, he might aspire to this tie.


Our next photo shows the two extremes: one lacks creativity with its blatant "I love Jesus" repeating pattern (in Guido black/shiny gold, of course). If Jesus were from New Jersey, he might wear this tie. The other one is much more subtle, with its cross and open bible. That one gets points for taste (it's all relative, right?) If Jesus were a school teacher, he might wear this one.



The one of Jesus praying skyward is a particularly strong contender in the "cheeze" category. (I included in the photo the tie with the "ha ha, funny" cartoon characters of the dradle and the Star of David- just for balance, and to let you know that Christians do not have a monopoly on God-awful (pun intended) religious themed ties). I'm not sure what this one conveys. Please post a comment (below) if you have a suggestion.



For some reason, I almost like this tie. I think it would be a good conversation starter. Would WOULD Jesus do?? I'm guessing he'd start by NOT wearing $3 cheap-ass ties from China. But if Jesus were a cop or a Union guy (hey, he was a carpenter, right?) he'd probably wear this conservative tie.

The joke is now on me, however, because, while preparing this blog, I found the mother of all religious tie websites, and the ones I've included here do not even begin to cover the full array of truly heinous religious ties. Enjoy!!