Eleven months of stressing about it, four months of studying for it, and three months of waiting for the bar results paid off- I found out this morning that I passed the New York bar exam!!!
I got a call last night from a woman from Australia, who I met through this blog, actually, who told me the results would be posted online at 10 am. This horrible NY Bar website hasn't changed in months, it seemed, but now it was going to spit out my results in the next 24 hours?? Unbelievable. Exciting! and TERRIFYING.
I'm not exactly celebrating, just breathing a sigh of relief that I avoided failing, one more time. It is pretty amazing to have passed both California and New York, by far the two hardest states, on the first try- that feels very good.
I can't really explain it, except to analogize as follows:
It's like being on trial for a murder you didn't commit. You know you are innocent, and everyone tells you you'll be acquitted, but you still have to go through the horrible process and then wait for what seems like ages while the jury is out, deliberating your fate. You try not to obsess, because you know you can't do anything more at that point.
Then, when the jury come back and reads the "not guilty" verdict, you breathe a huge sigh of relief, and everyone tells you that justice was done, that they knew you'd be found not guilty all along, etc. But still, you protest, "I could have gone to JAIL! And innocent people are found guilty all the time!" And, if you had been found "guilty," guess how many friends you'd have? None. And everyone would talk about your guilt behind your back. Awful, I tell you.
OK, maybe that's an overstatement, but my point is clear: yes, I'm smart enough to pass, yes, I put in my study time diligently, and of course I passed. But still, strange things happen and there is always that chance . . . so I'm just sooooo relieved that I will not be saddled with that life-long scar, something like having a bankruptcy or a criminal record in your personal history, that would have always lived with me . . . "Anne Williams: Bar Failer." NOPE, not ME!
p.s. the photo is of the very thoughtful and beautiful orchids that arrived at my office, just a few hours after I got the results, from "my family." I'm not positive who that is, but they are gorgeous and I can't believe you (you know who you are) were able to track down orchids around these parts!